Our Diabolical Rapture
by Christina1988
Summary: October 1980. Voldemort is spreading distrust among the members of the Order, something especially Sirius notices when Bellatrix is sent to recruit him. Meanwhile Bella has troubles delaying her wedding to Rodolphus any further. Bellatrix/Sirius.
1. Chapter 1

Surprise! Surprise! I think this story has been in my closet for too long and I don't think I should keep it from you any longer. I thought it was about time for a longer AU Bellatrix/Sirius story in ENGLISH. I've written about 1/3 of it and I like it. This story is my baby. I hope you enjoy it. I'll try to post a chapter weekly but I when realize my writing is going slower and I'm running out if chaps to post it'll be about a chapter/2 weeks.

**Part One: Whispers From The Dark**

_The dark is generous. _

_Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truth of others. The dark protects us from what we dare not know._

_The second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in night's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day's harsh light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. Because it is day that is temporary. Day is the illusion._

_Its third gift is the light itself: as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, the dark embraces the light and brings it forth from the center of its own self. With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins._

_(Mattew Stover; The Dark Lord Trilogy)_

**Chapter 1**

Lord Voldemort did not appreciate love, he did not appreciate beauty. He did not know of such human values for he was not a human being. Not anymore. Yet he recognized beauty when it crossed his way and Bellatrix was by far the most beautiful of his Death Eaters.

She entered the room gracefully, a dark haired vision with piercing brown eyes, wearing a black dress that underlines her character, her soul that is as sinister as her maiden name. Bellatrix is as alluring as she is cruel. She is obedient to him. His most loyal servant and probably the only person who, if it was possible at all, could carry out his plan.

"You called for me?" she asked, her voice trembling with excitement.

Voldemort waited, stressing her patience. Bellatrix was ever so eager, acting without thinking, running headfirst into a chaos she created herself. He walked up to her, grabbing her chin forcefully with his long, white fingers, making her look at him. She enjoyed this violent grasp, that much was obvious and her pleasure disgusted him. Voldemort let go of her, turning around to avoid the longing in her hungry eyes.

"There's a _black_ sheep in your family, Bellatrix. Your cousin, Sirius. . ."

"He's a blood traitor. I do not speak with him, nor have I seen him in years. As fas as I'm concerned the only thing we share is our blood and I assure you, my Lord, I would very much love to eradicate my muggle loving cousin from this world as he has been burnt out of our family tree."

She was angry but not because the Dark Lord had brought up the subject of Sirius but angry at her cousin. That anger could be a powerful ally on her mission but it also could ruin everything.

"Blood is thicker than water," Voldemort whispered, "And yes, we cannot allow a talented wizard like Sirius Black to be fighting against us but we should consider trying to bring him back on the right path."

"He is stubborn," Bellatrix replied, "He would rather die than become one of us."

"We'll see."

"What do you mean, my Lord?"

"I want you to make him join us. He will be a Death Eater or he will die but you will try everything that is in your power that could make him change his mind," Voldemort said.

"Yes, my Lord," she replied with a grin.

"That will be all, Bellatrix."

The thought of making Sirius Black a Death Eater filled Bellatrix with inexplicable joy, for she was sure that her cousin had the qualities the Dark Lord looked for in his followers. His true place was here, only he did not know yet.

_I will make him find out_, Bellatrix vowed and smiled to herself. A fantastic game lay ahead of her, a game she had wanted to play ever since she joined Voldemort if it wasn't for. . .

"Bella!", a voice behind her called. Rodolphus. Her betrothed.

Rodolphus Lestrange was a Death Eater. Pure blood. Good looking. Their marriage had been arranged while they had still been at Hogwarts, but the wedding hadn't taken place yet. They lived together, slept together. Bellatrix had done a lot to please her parents but marrying Rodolphus was something she would postpone until the very end for it would rob her of her freedom, of her independence and sell her to a man she honestly despised. It was true, she hated her fiancé. He was a weakling, an opportunist who had joined Voldemort because it gave him power. He was cruel to those who were weaker than him, and he was jealous. Although they shared almost everything, Bellatrix was the very opposite of him.

"What is it now that you have to do for the Dark Lord?" he asked.

For a moment Bellatrix considered not telling him. He would not like it. He had hated Sirius since the first and only time they've met – it was a family gathering while Sirius had still been part of the family. An unwelcome member, but tolerated and he had insulted Rodolphus. Bellatrix had wanted to kiss Sirius at that moment.

Now it began to dawn on Bellatrix why the Dark Lord had chosen her for this mission and she decided to run the dagger through Rodolphus' heart.

"I am to recruit Sirius Black," she said simply.

"Sirius Black? That ill-bred cousin of yours?"

"The one and only."

"I do not like it," Rodolphus admitted.

"I know, darling, but it's the wish of the Dark Lord and you would not want to go against him, would you?"

And with that Bellatrix left him standing there.

* * *

The motorcycle stopped in front of a small house in a street of Godric's Hollow. It was quiet, Sirius thought, too quiet in his opinion and he wondered whether James really liked it here. He parked his bike at the garden door and stepped inside.

"Prongs? Lily? Are you there?" he called after a knock on the door remained unanswered. Then he heard a baby screaming and Lily's soft voice trying to calm down the upset boy. Only seconds later James opened the door.

"Hey Padfoot," James whispered, a wide smile spread over his face as he hugged his best friend, "It's good to see you. Come in!"

"Good to see you, too," Sirius replied, talking low, "But why are we whispering?"

"Harry," said Lily, who stepped from the bedroom into the corridor, "I just put him back to bed after you woke him up."

It was obvious that she didn't approve of Sirius' visit.

"Can I take a look at my godson?" he asked, trying to ease the tension he had caused. Lily tried to say something that was probably supposed to be a _no_ but James interrupted her.

"It's ok, Lily. He won't wake him up."

"Okay, one glimpse. But if he starts crying again, I'll hex you. I'm so glad he's quiet for once."

Lily lead him into their bedroom where the cradle was standing beneath the window. Harry had already fallen into a slumber again, sucking at his dummy.

"Merlin's beard," Sirius exhaled, "He's grown. How old is he exactly?"

"Two months and four days," Lily answered, leading him back into the corridor.

"You shouldn't have come here, though," she said while they were making their way to the living room, "At least not on your flying motorbike. It's too recognizable."

"I'm sure your house is protected by spells?"

"Yes, it is. And Dumbledore told us that he is working on something almost impossible to break through but that doesn't mean we should push our luck. I'm also worried about you and so is James."

"Did I hear my name?" James asked.

"Yes, I was just telling Sirius that it could be fatal to pretend that we're in no danger. You shouldn't come here so often. Can't you two talk over the floo network or something?" Lily inquired.

"I'm sure Sirius knows what he's doing, honey," James defended his best friend.

"Oh really? Then tell me what protections _you_ have on your flat," she challenged.

"None," Sirius replied simply. Now not even Lily's eyes widened.

"Does that mean every Death Eater could just walk into your living room?"

"Honestly, would a Death Eater look for me in the most crowded part of Muggle London?" he asked back.

Sirius saw that Lily was about to say something, something he probably wouldn't like, so he cut her off. "Would the two of you mind changing the topic now? I get enough of that from Dumbledore and as James already said: I know what I'm doing," he said and sat down on the couch.

James sighed and followed his example.

"I'm gonna make some tea," Lily said, appearently looking for any excuse that would allow her to leave the room without being rude. She was shaking her head at Sirius' recklessness as she left.

"How's Remus?" Sirius asked after a moment of silence.

"Ah, you know, the moon will be full in a few days. He's a little edgy. Have you heard anything from Peter lately?"

"Not recently, no. I think he's gone into hiding for a while. I heard the Death Eaters came to recruit him and that made him pack his things and disappear for a while."

"Understandable," James answered.

The conversation trailed off into unimportant small talk and finally to the subject of Harry and the challenges of parenthood, something Sirius was just _dying_ to know. He stayed for another cup of tea and headed home as soon as his mug was empty.


	2. Chapter 2

A second chapter. Just to tease you a little more XD

**Chapter 2**

Sirius pushed his motorcycle through the heavy traffic of London, passing cars right and left, disregarding the Highway Code where he saw fit. He knew he shouldn't but somehow he couldn't help being slightly mad at his friends. It was not the way Sirius had imagined things to be after graduating from Hogwarts. It should have been James, Remus, Peter and him having a great time before settling down but then a dark wizard, known as Lord Voldemort, came back to England and started to spread terror and fear, hunting Muggles and Muggle-borns, even blood traitors such as Sirius himself. They fought him, if what they did could be called fighting. The Order of the Phoenix was a secret society, working in the underground but honestly – they had no idea what to do. More and more people diappeared and Voldemort was to blame. But who exactly were his followers? Who could be trusted? Anyone could be the enemy.

Sirius knew he could trust Dumbledore and the order, but did they trust him and his friends? They were left out of important missions, that much he knew. _You're too young, too inexperienced. We need Aurors to do that job_, Dumbledore's voice echoed in his head.

It was Voldemort's doing, he was seeding distrust and it was sprouding on a soil called fear.

Sirius slammed the door and threw his jacket on the nearest chair of his barely furnished flat. Thanks to his uncle's bequest he could afford better but the cold brick walls, the clarity of his white bed sheets and the dark wood of the kitchen furniture reminded him that they were at war, that he was not to feel at home anywhere while it wasn't safe. Settling down some place cosier was a dream he would make come true once everything was over.

He didn't switch on the light before he stripped off his shirt and headed for the shower when suddenly a sound from behind startled him. Sirius stopped but didn't turn around. Whoever it was, he would show himself soon enough.

He heard an approaching rustle of fine fabric, heels clicking on his parquet floor and finally he felt a fingernail drawing the line of his spine. The scent of vanilla and patchouli started to cloud his senses.

"Bellatrix," he hissed when he recognized her.

"Surprised to see me?" she asked in a singsong voice as she circled him, her hand never breaking the contact to his shoulders.

"Just a little."

"Foolish of you, my dear cousin. I always found you, remember?" Bellatrix came closer with every word. Her lips were only millimetres from his ear. "When we used to play hide and seek. You just couldn't hide from me."

"You were always cheating," Sirius replied coldly.

"And you were always a _dog_ in the manger," she stressed the word _dog_ a little too much and Sirius assumed she knew that he was an Animagus. Whether or not she was cheating, Bellatrix certainly was good at what she was doing.

"What do you want?" he asked.

She started pacing his room now, inspecting everything very closely.

"This may come as a surprise to you." she said while she took a framed picture that showed Sirius together with his best friends from above the fireplace. He felt like jumping at her and taking the photograph out of her filthy claws but he couldn't move. Something odd was going on, something he couldn't quite explain.

"The Dark Lord sent me. He wants you to join him."

Sirius' laugh sounded like a barking. "Yeah, sure."

"Come on, Sirius," Bellatrix said and approached him again, only stopping inches before his face. She hadn't changed much since the last time he'd seen her, only her cheeks were less chubby. Her eyes were the same piercing ambers, framed by dark eyelashes and the curls of her black hair still tangled widly around her face. She was his beautiful cousin and he had always hated her.

"It could be almost like in the old days," she whispered, "The Black family reunited."

"That will never happen."

"Blood is thicker than water, dear cousin. And Black blood is running through your veins, that you cannot deny."

Sirius made no reply. He was barely aware that she was stroking his artery. The only thing he felt was the urge to kill her for her audacity, kill her with his hands around her neck, so that he would be able to see the fear in her eyes just before the life left her body.

"How it must eat at you," Bellatrix continued, "The blood that will forever divide you from your _friends_. It is the reason why you will never be one of them, Sirius. Why they will never fully trust you. Why they--"

"Get out," he interrupted her.

"Is that a _No_, then?"

Sirius, suddenly released from his apathy, drew his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at her.

"Go!"

Bellatrix only sneered and disapparated.

The tension Bellatrix had caused came crushing down on Sirius like a wave the moment she disappeared and he felt the nausea hit him like a curse.

_Blood. . . Black blood. . . your friends. . . never fully trust you. . ._

Her words burned in his head as well as her touch on his skin, leaving invisible marks. He wanted to cut out everything she had caressed for it manipulated him. Bitch! How dare she even come here? And why hadn't he acted? She had been unarmed, one wave of his wand could've solved the problem forever. But no. . . Bellatrix was alive.

_Not for long_, Sirius vowed and was shocked at the same time of how his cousin really affected him. She brought out the worst in him, and it was exactly what she wanted.

Sirius kicked his chair.

No! He would not be manipulated. He would not be turned to the dark side. He would not be separated from his friends. Not by Bellatrix.

* * *

"Success or defeat?" Rodolphus asked when Bellatrix apparated into the living room they shared. They occupied a big manor, not as grand as Malfoy Manor but it was enough to be divided into two parts since Bellatrix insisted on having her own rooms.

_That will change_, Rodolphus thought, _as soon as we're married_.

"Not sure yet," she answered and grabbed a red apple from the paring on the couch table, "He's stubborn but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he joins us."

"Good," he said and got up. Rodolphus approached her, trying to put his arm around Bellatrix' waist but she slipped away from his embrace.

"I'm trying to eat here," she said annoyed, taking a bite from her apple.

"I can see that. I was just wondering that maybe you could come to my room later. . ."

"No," Bellatrix said simply and turned to look at him, "I have a headache."


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry, I meant to post this yesterday but I came home from work very late, so. . . a lil delayed. I hope you enjoy it though ;)

**Chapter 3**

Sirius didn't sleep that night. After turning around in the sheets for hours, he got up again, deciding that it was no use trying to find a peaceful rest. He switched on the television, a muggle invention used for entertainment, and to kill brain cells. Sirius started walking around, watching his shadow move through the yellow light that came from the street lamp.

It was dawning already, Sirius hadn't noticed it was quite that late, or early, and he felt dull but at least Bellatrix' treacherous voice was silent in his head. He was already past the state of being tired but the restlessness remained and Sirius decided to go for a walk.

The october air was cool and Sirius enjoyed the morning wind blown into his face. Maybe he should leave the city for a few days, just in case Bellatrix returned and he was sure she would do so. She was never the one to give up so easily. He wasn't afraid of her but he was afraid for his friends. The truth was: no one could be trusted and Sirius sometimes didn't even trust himself.

Yes, it was the best solution. Dover was not far away and Sirius thought it had been too long since he had visited that city. Would Bellatrix look for him there? Most certainly not. With the decision to pack his bags, he headed home.

* * *

Bellatrix was roused from her sleep by a male voice. She opened her eyes to find Rodolphus standing at her bed and she jumped up, quickly covering herself with her blanket, as if he had never seen her in underwear before.

"What the hell are you doing here? You know I hate it when you. . ."

"Calm down, _Trixie_. It's almost 8 and your mother is here. She's waiting in the kitchen, so. . . hurry up."

Bellatrix reached for the wand lying on her bedside table and fired a curse after Rodolphus but he was already out of the door.

How dare he? First he had been so insolent to enter her bedroom, then he had called her Trixie, a nickname she despised and after all that he had the nerve to tell her to hurry up. She should teach him a lesson as soon as her mother was gone.

But for now she had no opportunity than to obey, get dressed, put on a smile and tell her mother everything she wanted to hear.

There was no sun lighting her dark room when Bellatrix opened the blinds; it was a cloudy october morning and the bare brick walls seemed to eat the light that still fought its way through. The furniture was dark, too, wooden and Bellatrix liked it. But there was a coldness about the undecorated room that constantly reminded her not to make herself at home too much for all of this was only temporary. As soon as the wedding ring was on her finger she would move into Rodolphus' bedroom. _Goodbye freedom_, Bellatrix thought. But she wasn't married yet and Bellatrix hadn't given up her hopes that maybe Rodolphus was struck by a lightning or a killing curse and she would not be forced to marry him. Of course, all of that was only wishful thinking. She was a Black and therefore it was her duty to marry a pureblood, such as Rodolphus.

She put on the same dress she had worn the day before and didn't comb her hair. Her mother would not be amused but it was better than to keep her waiting. She was a grown woman after all and shouldn't be told what to wear anyway.

"Good morning, mother," Bellatrix greeted her with a kiss on the cheek before she took the stool opposite her mother.

"Ew, Bella, you smell like a mudblood," Druella wrinkled her nose at her daughter.

"That is probably because she went to see her blood traitor cousin yesterday," Rodolphus commented.

"You spoke to Sirius?" she asked, obviously disgusted.

"Don't you have something else to do?" Bellatrix turned to Rodolphus and gave him her falsest smile.

"Answer me, Bellatrix. What dealings do you have with that blood traitor?"

"I don't think he'll be a blood traitor for much longer. The Dark Lord wants me to recruit him," she told her mother proudly.

"Don't be so sure of yourself, Bella," her mother told her coldly, "Others have tried and failed. I think he's a hopeless case. But in the meantime, why don't you take a look at these?"

Druella dropped a few magazines on the table and Bellatrix took a closer look.

_A Witch's Great Day. . . The Magic Wedding Planner. . . Witch's 1st Bridal Guide. . ._

"These are wedding magazines, mother," she noticed as she flipped through them.

"Only the best," she assured her daughter with a smile, "I am under the impression that your wedding plans are progression rather slowly and I want to help you. Since the two of you already live together, there is no reason to delay things any further. So I set a date for the ceremony."

"You did _what_?" Bellatrix almost screamed. She hid her anger quickly, hoping her mother hadn't noticed that in her opinion there were a lot of reasons to postpone their marriage.

"It is to take place on the 1st of March. I think that is enough time to plan everything. After all, Narcissa has married Lucius directly after graduating from Hogwarts. Even your," Druella cleared her throat, "other sister has taken a husband. And you're my oldest. It is time that you are properly wed to Rodolphus."

"And maybe after the wedding we could finally fulfil our desire for an heir," Rodolphus mentioned casually.

Your _desire_, Bellatrix thought. A brat with his mug and her character trades was what she wanted least. That was just another good reason to avoid an early wedding. But now – what choice did she have?

"Seriously, Rodolphus, don't you think the lawn needs watering?"

"Yes, Rodolphus. I think planning a wedding is something that should be left to the women of this family," to Bellatrix' surprise her mother supported her for a moment. Rodolphus sighed and left the room defeated.

"It's understandable that you don't want him tampering with your great day. I basically left your father out of everything that had to do with the wedding. My mother and I managed it on our own."

Bellatrix made no reply, so Druella simply carried on.

"So, what do you want to start with? Narcissa found her dress to be most important. I don't know about Andromeda though," she sighed, "If only she had married Regulus like we had arranged it."

"Pity," Bellatrix commented before her mother pushed another magazine under her nose.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you guys for your reviews :) I'm sorry I didn't post last week. I didn't manage to do some writing due to work but I hope this almost 1500 word long chapter makes up for that.

**Chapter 4**

Sirius wondered if it was a good idea to at least take a nap before heading for Dover for he really was tired now. But then – he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway and he shouldn't waste precious time. Bellatrix could be back any moment and he didn't want to face her or her Death Eater friends. He was aware that once Voldemort had an eye on someone, he wouldn't stop until that person was either made a Death Eater or killed.

Sirius checked his bag once more and realized that his toothbrush was missing. He went into the bathroom to get it, but when he came back he was hit by a curse so hard, it threw him against the next wall. Looking up he noticed the silhuette of his cousin.

"What exactly was that for?" he asked as he got up again.

"You always were the best punching bag," Bellatrix answered, admiring her crooked wand. Sirius had always thought that this wand was perfect for her since it absolutely reflected her personality.

"Flattering," he commented and continued to his bag.

"Leaving, are we?"

She followed him, stopping only when Sirius could feel the warmth of her body against his back, her perfume surrounding him once more.

"Have you thought about the Dark Lord's offer?" she breathed into his ear.

"Yes and. . . no," he said and closed the zipper of his suitcase. Bellatrix let herself fall upon his bed but she continued to stare at him.

"I caught you by surprise," she noticed.

"No, you most certainly didn't. I was actually wondering why you didn't show up earlier," Sirius replied coldly. He couldn't help but feeling slightly uncomfortable with his Death Eater cousin sitting on his bed, staring at him. He decided to just stare back.

"I meant the spell," she said after a pause. When Sirius didn't respond, she carried on.

"I tell you what. We could have a duel," her eyes widened as she spoke, a smile spreading on her red lips. Sirius only laughed.

"Come on, cousin. After the old rules. No Unforgivables. No spells that cause permanent damage. How about it?"

"We're not children anymore, Bella. This is war, not a game. We ought to. . ."

But before he could finish his sentence, Bellatrix had pointed her wand at him and would've hit him with a spell if Sirius hadn't reacted quickly with a jump to the left. The spell hit the framed picture behind him instead.

"Like I said before. You were always cheating," Sirius said and reached for his wand. His spell, too, missed its target and blew up a pillow.

"People will think your dog personality was throwing a tantrum," she teased, firing a _Stupefy_ at him.

Sirius blocked her spell easily. "How do you know about that anyway?"

Bellatrix shrugged, avoiding another of his attacks. "I've done my homework, but don't worry. Nobody else knows."

"Makes me feel so much better," he replied, aiming- when suddenly they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sirius? Are you there?"

He stared at Bellatrix in shock, she only smirked.

"We'll continue this," she promised and disapparated.

Sirius hurried to the door, for a moment completely ignorant of the chaos behind him. It came back to his mind when he turned around to let James in.

"What happened here?" his friend laughed, "Can't control the dog in you?"

"By the looks of it."

James seemed to have noticed the suitcase and turned to face his friend.

"Are you going somewhere?" he wanted to know.

"Actually, yes. I was thinking about going away for a day or two. I'm getting cabin fever in here."

"I'd love to come with you, but you know. . . Lily and the baby. That's the reason why I came here," James explained.

"Oh really? Why?" Sirius pointed to a chair, telling James he should sit down while he got two cans of butter bear from the fridge.

"I wanted to apologize for Lily. She's worried because of the whole situation. But then again. . . who isn't?"

"It's alright. And it's probably true what she says. It is a bit reckless of me to be still flying around on my bike. But if it helps – you can tell her that I was using the road on my way back."

James chuckled and took a sip of his butter beer.

* * *

Bellatrix was pleased with herself so far. Very pleased. Sirius had reacted positively to their favourite game from childhood days – duelling. Oh, they had always been good at it. They had challanged each other from their early days on, using every excuse to draw their wands and engage in a duel. Sometimes Sirius would win, sometimes she was superior to him. Their little fights had made the most boring family gatherings a lot of fun and only the thought of firing spells at her cousin had made young Bellatrix squeal with glee. It was not like she had shyed away from fighting her sisters, but Sirius had always been special. He had always been the only one who could actually defeat her and Bellatrix had hated him for that. She knew that Sirius loathed her with the same passion she despised him, maybe even a little bit more. That's how she knew that he would never decline to fight her. His ego, the fact that Bellatrix could think he was not able to win the duel, would not allow him to say no. It was their base. It was the door through which she would enter his life again.

"My Lord," Bellatrix approached Voldemort, bowing before him, "I have good news."

"You have succeeded to make Sirius Black join us?" he asked.

"Not yet. It will take time but I know that in the end he will be one of us. I promise you, my Lord."

"Good, Bella. I knew you were the right person to send to him."

"My Lord, there is something else," she said, her gaze lowered.

"What is it?"

"If you allow, my Lord, I would like to ask you a favour. My betrothed, Rodolphus, he's a little. . . uhm. . . bored. If you had a mission for him, you would not only do him a favour but me."

"Mh, and I would've thought you enjoyed your future husband's company," Voldemort's face showed something that was probably supposed to be a smile. He knew well that Bellatrix despised Rodolphus. "I will see what I can do."

"Thank you, my Lord."

* * *

_Bellatrix. . . Bellatrix. . . _Her name resounded in Sirius' head. Why? Why did Voldemort chose her to recruit him? Why his bloody cousin, the one he hated most. Why. . .

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" Jamed asked suddenly.

"What?" Sirius suddenly became aware that he hadn't paid attention at all, "I'm sorry. I was just-"

"You look tired. What kept you up all night?" Sirius knew the look on his friend's face too well. He knew that James wanted to hear that he had spent the night with a woman.

"Sorry to disappoint you, mate. I just couldn't sleep."

Sirius' gaze wandered to his bed, to the torn pillow. Imagines of his cousin sitting on exactly that spot came back to his mind. _Bellatrix._ It was almost like her presence was still with him, only to tease him. In his thoughts he watched himself approaching her, running his hand through her raven curls at first and then grabbing her throat when she least expected it. Sirius imagined the fear in her brown eyes before he broke her tiny neck with his bare hands. _Bellatrix_.

"What you need is a woman," James said, "When was the last time you had a girlfriend?"

"You know that. Two months ago, when we went to this muggle bar to celebrate Harry's birth. Uhm. . . what was her name? Claire? Clarissa?"

"That's not what I mean. I'm talking about a relationship, something that lasts a bit longer than just for one night."

"Ha, if only the girls were still interesting after one night. Believe me, Lily is an exception but most of those chicks – well, there's nothing more to explore once you've undressed them. Their heads are filled with straw and Prada handbags."

"Now that you mention Lily," James said and took a look at his watch, "I have to get back or she'll get worried and we don't want that. But that talk isn't finished here, we'll get back to it."

"If we must," Sirius said and walked his friend to the door.

"Take care, Padfoot."

"You, too, Prongs."

The door closed and with James Sirius' anger seemed to have left. _Bellatrix_. She was driving him crazy already and if he didn't find a way to compensate, she would regret ever coming here.


	5. Chapter 5

2 Review! C'mon guys. . . you can do better than that ;) But thanks anyway. It's good to know that some out there are reading this XD

I hope you like the new chapter, too.

**Chapter 5**

Sirius approached the small house. It looked quite nice, not a kind of house you'd suspect a former Black to live in. They preferred it dark and this one was painted white with a wooden fence around their front garden. Sirius spotted a man and a pink haired girl playing near a pond and from the child's laughter he assumed that the father was amusing her by hexing fish.

When the tall man noticed Sirius, his hand tightened around his wand.

"You're not one of _them_, are you?" he asked as he placed himself carefully in front of his daughter.

"Don't worry, I am not a Death Eater. I'm-"

"Sirius?" a female voice came from the direction of the house. Andromeda approached him and hugged him tightly. "Merlin's beard, I haven't seen you in years."

She turned to her family, pointing at Sirius.

"That's my cousin, Sirius Black," she said, "Sirius, this is Ted, my husband and our daughter Nymphadora."

"Nice to meet you," Sirius smiled.

"This is my uncle?" the pink haired girl asked, "He can't be. He's too young to be an uncle."

Everyone chuckled.

"Well, why don't you come in, Sirius. I was about to make tea anyway," Andromeda suggested.

* * *

"Bella, I really wish you would concentrate," Narcissa said and put the dress she was holding up back. She probably had imagined shopping for a wedding dress with her sister to be much easier.

"I'm sorry, Cissy. It's just," Bellatrix looked around the store, "those dresses look all the same to me. I don't like them. As for me – I would marry in black. It makes no difference."

"Don't talk like that. I know you don't want to marry him but I'm sure Rodolphus will be a good husband and-"

The baby strapped to Narcissa's chest started to cry. Bellatrix only rolled her eyes when her sister tried to hush the upset boy.

"I don't like that our mother wants to hurry through this wedding. I have other things on my mind right now than dresses and invitations."

"What do you mean?" Narcissa asked.

"The Dark Lord wants me to make Sirius Black a Death Eater. That is my priority now."

"I don't think Rodolphus will mind you serving the Dark Lord."

"But I'm pretty sure he'll mind me seeing Sirius. He hates him," Bellatrix explained and almost regretted bringing up the topic of Sirius. She didn't want her sister to know that it was more than just an assignment from the Dark Lord. Sirius would be her personal victory. She had wanted to see him fall from grace ever since he had been sorted into Gryffindor. The moment was closer than ever and she would be the one to give him the last push.

"Yes, I remember. He was very rude to Rodolphus once," her sister answered and continued to pay attention to her son.

* * *

"So, what brings you here?" Andromeda asked as she served tea. Sirius looked at her, amazed by how alike she and her sister were. Narcissa had always been the exception, but Andromeda and Bellatrix had been almost impossible to tell apart as children, only Dromeda's hair had brightened as she had grown older. It was now dark brown, but Bella had kept her dark curls that simply invited Sirius to run his fingers through. He quickly pushed the thought aside.

"Can't I just visit my favourite cousin?" he smiled at her, "You have a lovely family. How old is your little girl now?"

"She's 6 now. I can't believe how time flies. It seemed only yesterday that I changed her diapers and that she gave us sleepless nights because of her first teeth," Andromeda stopped and looked at Sirius, who appearently hadn't even listened. She leaned back into her chair and waited for him to respond.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Dromeda. I'm a little tired, that's all," he apologized but she continued to stare at him

"Are you sure?"

"I don't think Death Eaters came knocking on your door lately?" Sirius asked carefully.

His cousin gasped for breath, instantly realizing what had been going on. "Merlin's beard, how did you escape?"

"I didn't have to. They didn't want to kill me, they wanted me to join them. Bellatrix visited me tw-"

"Bellatrix?" Andromeda asked angrily, "Well, Voldemort's got nerves."

"What do you mean?"

"You and Bella, that's what I mean. Your relationship has always been tense. It's more likely that you kill each other before giving in to the other side."

"Do you think I could. . . you know. . . kill her?" Sirius asked carefully.

"Everything is possible with you and Bellatrix," she replied coldly.

"But wouldn't you mind? She's your sister after all."

"For her I am long dead and it would mean that the world is just a little bit safer."

"You're probably right," he said. Sirius realized that Andromeda's voice was deep and calm when she spoke, just like Bellatrix' when she didn't use her mock baby voice. It was a beautiful one but Andromeda's words didn't touch him in the least. Her presence was not pumping adrenaline through his veins, it did not make him feel alive, it did not make him want to go to extremes. It was like he and Bellatrix were two positive poles of a magnet, one always pushing the other away as far as possible because, deep in his heart, Sirius knew that they were not so different from each other. That was the reason for their hatred. Both were Blacks, and therefore extremly proud, headstrong and aways in for a fight when it came to defend their believes.

It's been like that since their childhood days but now a different feeling was making his head spin; the power she had over him was not more dangerous than ever and for that reason he had to silence her forever.

"You're not driving home like this," Andromeda suddenly said, "I will tell Ted to arrange the spare room."

"That's not necessary. I don't live far from here."

"I insist. Who knows when I'll get the chance to see my favourite cousin again," she smiled, "And I've got some delicious things planned for dinner."

"Well, in that case," Sirius smiled back.

* * *

Bellatrix had waited til long after midnight but Sirius hadn't showed up. She was mad at him. How dare he stay away? Of course, they had not planned to meet again but he should have known she would come back. But then, he had packed his things, hadn't he? Had he left the city because of her? For how long?

"Well done, Bellatrix," a male voice behind her said.

She turned around to find Rodolphus standing in the doorway, accompanied by two large suitcases.

"You going somewhere?" she asked.

"Yes and I believe this is your doing."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," said Bellatrix and turned around to walk away, but Rodolphus held her arm. The way he looked at her betrayed his anger and Bellatrix started feeling for her wand – which wasn't there.

"Looking for this?" Rodolphus asked and held up her wand. Suddenly a feeling started rising inside of Bellatrix, a feeling she couldn't remember ever having: panic.

"Give – it – back," she said slowly, determination in her voice.

Rodolphus threw her wand onto the carpet, out of reach for both of them. Now both his hands were holding her arms, pressing her against the next wall.

"You talked to the Dark Lord, asking him to send me away. Well, I swear to you, if I'm not back for the wedding, I will make you come all the way to France and marry you in front of the gates of Beauxbatons," he hissed and finally let go of her.

"France?" Bellatrix asked.

"Don't stess my patience too much, woman. You know very well what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't. What is it the Dark Lord wants you to do?"

"I am to go to Beauxbatons. One of their teachers had an. . . _accident_ and it was arranged that I teach Defense Against The Dark Arts until they find a proper replacement. The Dark Lord wants me to find out how they think about him, maybe gain some followers. I don't know when I'll be back."

"Too bad," Bellatrix said under her breath.

"I expect this house to still be whole when I come back and if I find out that your _beloved_ blood traitor cousin was here, I will kill you both. Understood?", he asked.

While Bellatrix already thought about setting some Sirius-animagus-flees loose in Rodolphus' bed, he grabbed his bags and disapparated.

_Freedom_, Bellatrix thought. But how long would it last?


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to Nicole-Dilona for the review :)

I hope you all like the new chapter cause it's getting sorta hot XD

**Chapter 6**

Sirius spent all morning at Andromeda's place, having breakfast with the family, talking to his cousin and watching little Nymphadora performing awkward, but funny tricks with her nose and hair, yet the peace remained superficial. He knew that once he retuned to his appartment, Sirius wouldn't have to wait long for Bellatrix to show up. _Bellatrix_. The woman was like a tumor in his head, affecting his brain, playing with his thoughts and shooting a venom called hatred through his veins.

When Andromeda asked him if he wanted to stay for lunch, Sirius declined. He had to go back and end it as long as he was sure he could.

Sirius was in a surprisingly good mood when he entered his apartment, every cell of his body screaming in anticipation. He hadn't yet had the strength and will power to do it, but as soon as Bellatrix showed up, he would get rid of her once and for all. He knew the spell, those simple words, _avada kedavra_, they have been echoing in his head since he had left Andromeda's place. Why wasn't she here already?

_Patience_, he reminded himself. It wouldn't be long until he had the chance to break the spell Bellatrix had put on him.

"What's wrong, my dear cousin?" said a voice behind him. Sirius turned around to face Bellatrix.

"Absolutely nothing, _dearest_ Bella."

He wanted to slap himself across the face. He had referred to her as "Bella" more than once, a nickname that was reserved for those close to her only.

"Nothing, huh? You disappear for a night and you tell me it's nothing. Now, in whose bed did you sleep if not your own? That of a cheap, blonde whore?" Bellatrix teased.

Sirius laughed. "Is that jealousy behind your insult?" he paused but when she didn't reply, he went on, "First of all, that woman was neither blonde, nor cheap and although you may refer to her as a whore, Andromeda certainly isn't."

Now Bellatrix smiled to herself.

"What's so funny?" Sirius inquired.

"You and Andromeda. That's what's funny."

"Why?"

"Well, Freud would call it a _substitutional satisfaction_. When you think Andromeda is your favourite cousin, it is really me but I despise you, so you chose the one that was most like me. When you think you want Andromeda, it is actually me you want. When you think you want to be with her, it is because you can't be with me. Because being with me is something you want but nothing you could take with your ridiculous conscience."

"You're the ridiculous one here, Bellatrix," Sirius replied.

She looked at him in bewilderment.

"Because I had sworn to myself that if you showed up again, I would kill you."

"What's keeping you then?" Bellatrix asked, "Come on, let's finish the duel we started. Only now we change the rules."

"Okay."

Both raised their wand, aiming at each other and Sirius calculated the chance whether a direct killing curse was able to hit her. He decided that it was no use rushing things. By the end of the evening, Bellatrix would be dead and he had sworn to himself that he would enjoy it.

"Stupefy!" Bellatrix shouted and hit Sirius, who landed directly on his bed.

"Oh dear, you've still got loads to learn," she said, "Concentrate on the target, not on the goal."

"Are you telling me how to duel?" Sirius asked angrily as he got up again. He fired the same curse at Bellatrix, who was thrown against the wall. He heard something crack and wondered if it was the wall or her spine.

He approached her, his wand lowered because Bellatrix was appearently incapable of fighting. A mistake.

"Crucio!"

Sirius was in pain before he had even heard her shout. He couldn't tell whether it was his legs becoming weak or his brain growing numb from the agony and he simply lost control over his body but only seconds later, he fell to the ground, twitching and twisting as another cruciatus curse hit him. He wanted to kill Bellatrix even more for this, only he couldn't move, couldn't free himself from the pain that penetrated every cell of him. The only thing he could think of was her laughter that somehow still managed to fight its way through to his brain.

Several curses later, Sirius felt himself drifting into unconsciousness and then. . . it suddenly stopped. It took him a while to realize that the pain was really fading away. He waited for the next crucio to hit him, but it didn't happen. When Sirius opened his eyes, he could see Bellatrix standing there, leaning casually against the wall.

"You bitch," Sirius spat and tried to get up. His legs still felt weak, so he staggered more than he walked towards her. He had never in his entire life hated anyone as much as he hated Bellatrix right now. Sirius raised his wand to fire away the spell, the only one that could make him feel better. It was an easy way to be rid of her, the easiest maybe. There was no violence involved, no blood. The spell might not give him the satisfaction of making her suffer, but it would finish her off. Once and for all.

"Avada ke-"

"Confundo!"

Bellatrix' spell hit him before he could finish his one. Sirius took one more step in her direction, stopping directly in front of her, and dropped his wand. Everything around him became a blur, the world started spinning, turning faster and faster with every heartbeat. That was one of the few things he could feel, his beating heart, the inability to breathe, the heat under his hands and how they slowly buried in long, black curls. It was like Sirius was caught in them, a spider web of dark hair closing in around him, dragging him down to the bottom of the ocean. He was barely aware that he was on the floor now, with Bellatrix above him. Sirius was trying to fight it, trying to swim back to the surface but all his hands found were black curls and the zipper of a dress that seemed to open magically. He gasped for breath but Bella's lips were touching his, their tongues fighting the battle for them. She seemed to drown him and he was letting her. The magnetic force that had kept them apart turned around and pulled them closer to each other.

It was early in the morning when Sirius woke up, maybe 5 or 6 a.m. He could tell because the sun was shining through his window in a special angle which was leading him to the question why exactly he had woken up. Sirius closed his eyes again, his brain too tired to work properly but when he sank deeper into his pillow, he noticed a familiar scent that most certainly didn't belong in his bed. The scent of vanilla and patchouli.

It was as usual accompanied by the rustling of fabric and when Sirius opened his eyes again, he saw the blurry outlines of a woman with long, black curls standing next to his bed. He immediately sat up.

"Bellatrix," he snarled and as she turned around to face him, he noticed that she was wearing nothing but underwear.

"What's going on?" he demanded to know.

A smirk spread over her face. "I didn't know the confundus charm affected your memory."

Bellatrix stopped trying to put on her dress and simply stared at his naked torso. The fact that he was wearing nothing at all left little room to conclude what had been going on.

"Pity," she said, "because last night was something memorable."

"Get out!" he barked.

This time Bellatrix didn't seem to be in the mood to argue. She picked up her dress and boots and disapparated.


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry for the delay. My PC crashed and two whole chapters I had already written were gone. So, today I stopped being pissed off about that and decided to re-write one of them._

**Chapter 7**

He had tried to go back to sleep but it was impossible. So, at 7 a.m. Sirius finally got up to take a shower, hoping the hot water would wash her scent off his skin. It didn't. Instead Sirius had the feeling he only rubbed it deeper in the more he tried to get rid of it.

And Sirius began to wonder. Was it a terrible accident? One of Bella's tricks to get him to join the Dark Lord? Or was that what he had always wanted?

What a thought! Bella and him. That was just not right. It couldn't be and it would never happen again, of that he was sure. The next time she appeared in his bedroom, he would ignore her. No fights, no rudeness, and most certainly no sex.

Then suddenly Sirius was startled by a noise from the kitchen. Could it be? Was Bellatrix back already? He turned off the water, fastened a towel around his waist and headed for the kitchen. As he tiptoed out of the bathroom, he began to hear music coming from his stereo and he realized it couldn't be Bellatrix. She would never listen to his favoutite muggle music.

"Man, you spend more time under the shower than Lily," James said while he took a sip from a cup. "I hope you don't mind. While you were in the bathroom, I let myself in and made a cup of coffee. Why are you up so early?"

"I had a feeling that my best friend would show up," Sirius joked, "Not really. I just couldn't sleep."

"Are you becoming an insomniac or is there a reason why you have trouble sleeping?"

"I'm just tired of being careful. Hiding from Death Eaters every day, not being able to see my friends as often as I want to," he lied. How could he possibly tell his friend the truth? _Oh, by the way, I just slept with a Death Eater last night. _

"Well, in that case, I've got good news for you. Lily and I are hosting a Halloween party this year. We thought we could all use some distraction," James explained.

"I think it's a great idea. Count me in," Sirius smiled and drank the coffee James had made.

"It will mostly be muggles on the party since we don't really know who to trust. You, Remus, Lily and me – we're the only wizards. Except Peter shows up before Halloween. Then, of course, he is invited, too."

"You haven't heard from Wormtail either? That's so weird."

"Yeah. Seems like he has found himself an excellent hiding place. But at least Remus will be there. I have talked to him yesterday."

"Oh, I'm seeing him tonight," Sirius said, "How is he? Still worn out from the full moon?"

"Yes, but I think it was worse without the potion. Still, he looks older every day."

"Don't worry about him," Sirius tried to calm him down, "I think he's handling the situation as best as a wizard can."

"True. Well, I should get home. I told Lily I'd be back for breakfast. See you next weekend?"

"I'm looking foward to it."

"Bella, didn't you notice the owl sitting on your porch?" Narcissa came in, holding up the small package the bird had delivered.

"Yes, I have. Probably some stupid present from my bethrothed. I was actually hoping the bird would return it to the sender," Bellatrix said, not even looking up from the book she was reading.

"How can you be so cold? At least Rodolphus shows his affection."

Narcissa opened the little box and her eyes beamed at the sight of a diamond bracelet. She took it and held it in front of Bellatrix' face.

"Now, don't tell me you don't like it."

"Merlin's beard, Cissy. It's a stupid bracelet. Can you remember me wearing any jewellery? No. You can keep it if you like," Bella said angrily and faced her book again.

Narcissa sat down next to her sister and looked at the bracelet. She knew her sister didn't want to get married but Bella had never minded the attention of men.

"What's wrong, Bella? You know, you can tell me everything."

_No, I can't_, she thought. Bellatrix didn't even want to know what her sister would think about what she did last night. But she decided to tell her at least what happened with Rodolphus.

Bellatrix streched out her arms and Narcissa noticed the red and blue marks around her wrists.

"My God! What happened?"

"Rodolphus and I got into a fight before he went to France. You know, the assignment from the Dark Lord. He got really angry and took my wand. That piece of junk," Bellatrix pointed at the bracelet, "is probably his apology. But I don't want it to be that easy for him."

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm sure Rodolphus feels awful about what happened and he thought the best way to make it up to you is to send you something nice since he's so far away. But I've got good news for you."

"Which is?"

"You two are getting married on the 15th of March. He sent our mother a letter to set a date for the wedding. He's got two weeks off in March and he will come back to get married."

"Now _that_ is great news. Too bad he sent a bracelet and not a rope so I could hang myself."

Later that day, Sirius met Remus in the Leaky Cauldron. It was only a few days after full moon and Sirius expected his friend to be tired and moody, which he was.

"Sorry I'm late," Remus said and took the seat next to Sirius at the bar.

"It's okay," Sirius turned to the barkeeper and called him, "Hey Tom. Two fire whiskeys."

"No, just a butter beer for me," said Remus.

"Fine," Sirius shrugged, "Then make it a butter beer and a double fire whiskey for me."

They both received their drinks and started talking.

"So, what's going on?"

"The usual. I got fired today," Remus explained and took a sip from his butter beer.

"Again? You've only had that job for a month. What was wrong this time?"

"Nobody likes to hire a werewolf and when they found out yesterday they showed me the door." Remus looked down to his drink. Appearently he was ashamed for not being able to find and keep a job, although it was not his fault.

"You know my old offer still stands. I could give you some money. It's really not a big deal," Sirius offered.

"Thank you but no. I wouldn't know how to pay it back."

"Or you could listen to me and apply for a teaching job at Hogwarts. I'm sure that Dumbledore wouldn't turn you down after all he's already done for you."

"Yeah, another favor I could ask him. No, thanks. I'm tired of begging," he replied moodily.

"Well, stay poor then and dwell in self pity," Sirius said and finished his fire whiskey.

"Hey, it's not like I chose this life for me. Becoming a werewolf wasn't exactly part of my plan. And who knew that suddenly a bunch of racist wizards like your family would emerge and make everything even harder for people like me?"

"Can you leave my family out of it? Like you said, I didn't choose them either."

"Hey, don't get all defensive! It's just that. . . you're a Black. And they are still your family, no matter how much you would love to deny it. And it's the Black family who supports You-Know-Who."

"Thank you, that's what I wanted to hear," Sirius slammed his glass on the table and got up. He threw some coins in front of his friend, more than enough to cover both their bills and left the pub.

The October air was cold but it didn't soothe him the way it used to. Remus cared only about himself these days. He was so absorbed with his bad luck, he failed to notice everything else around him. And neither did James notice, only that he was absorbed with his new family. If only Peter was still here. He would listen to Sirius. Maybe he would even understand him. But Peter was gone, probably hiding, maybe even dead. Who knew? Sirius was alone.

Only not quite. He looked up at the night sky, the stars barely visible because of the city lights but after a while he could make out her star. Bellatrix. Always watching. It was like she would never leave him, not even for a second. Either she was there bothering him, or in his thoughts, her words still echoing in his mind. Even now in this empty street, she was staring at him from above. Bellatrix.

Sirius entered her house in his animagus shape. He couldn't risk being seen by Rodolphus or anyone else and since Bellatrix had told him that only she knew about his little secred, he believed her for a second. When he had entered the corridor, his dog ears heard two female voices talking and he decided to stay and wait exactly there. Only a few minutes later two women stepped out of her room and the blonde stood motionless at the sight of a huge black dog. She slowly drew her wand.

"What's this doing in your house? You don't have a dog now, do you?" Narcissa asked.

Bellatrix came out after her and spotted a dog that had to be Sirius.

"He's a stray. Rodolphus hates animals, so I feed him secretly. Only let him in when Rodolphus is not here."

"Since when do _you_ like animals?" her sister wanted to know.

"Since I know Rodolphus dislikes them even more. Don't worry. He's tame. Couldn't harm a muggle, that one."

When Bellatrix had said goodbye to her sister, she went back into her room where Sirius was now, curiously looking around. He was no longer a dog, but again the handsome young man.

"It doesn't mean a thing," Sirius said when he heard her steps.

"What?"

"Me being here," he turned around to look at her.

"And why are you here exactly?" Bellatrix wanted to know.

Sirius could've told her that he had overheard almost the whole conversation between her and Narcissa. That he knew how much she resented her bethrothed. That Sirius thought maybe he could make her join the Order to fight Voldemort, if that was a way to get rid of Rodolphus. It was possible, right? That if he spent time with her, if he talked to her, if he could bind her to him, that she would join his side. It was worth a try. He only had everything to lose. But this was a war and you had to make sacrifices to win.

"Thanks to your little spell I have no idea what happened last night," he explained, "But I need to know what it is like to screw a Death Eater."

"Then shut up and let me show you," she whispered and came closer. Bellatrix looked at him for a moment, then suddenly she grabbed his shirt with both hands and ripped it open, buttons flying in all directions.

"I'll make sure you remember this one."

And when she kissed him again, Sirius knew that all his noble reasons would be forgotten in an instant.


	8. Chapter 8

_I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. But lately I've been in a real HP phase again and I thought that Halloween was the perfect time for posting a Halloween chapter XD I hope you enjoy it._

**Chapter 8**

It was the 31st of October, Halloween, date of the great party at the Potter's and Sirius was heading for the front door. There was music already and lots of drunken laughter coming from their place but he stopped for a moment to look at the sky.

His star had not yet arisen; it would still be a few days before it could be seen. Bellatrix, however, was already up there, sparkling in the Orion constellation, mocking Sirius.

It had been three days since they had last seen each other and he found it hard to admit, but Sirius already missed her. A simple spell had covered the bruises and scratches she had given him and he craved more. Bellatrix was making him feel alive again. She gave him a purpose but he knew he had to be careful. After all, they were fighting a war. One would eventually make the other join the side they had originally fought. And he didn't want to be the one.

Sirius had reached the door and knocked and a girl, wearing a huge flower on her head, opened the door.

"Hey Sirius!" Lily greeted him.

"Uhm. . . I don't know if someone has mentioned that but you've got a huge flower on your head."

"Yeah. I'm a lily. It's my costume. But where's yours?" she wanted to know.

"This is it. I'm dressed as the great Sirius Black," he smiled and gave his friend a hug, careful not to ruin the plastic plant on her head.

"Hey Padfoot, there you are!" James called from across the room. He looked around for a moment and then made his way through the crowd. "Amazing, isn't it? There is this simple spell that keeps all the noise from Harry's room."

"Yeah, I was already wondering."

"Come on, Sirius, there is someone I'd like you to meet."

James lead him into the living room where lots of muggles were dancing to music he did not recognize. Sirius couldn't remember the house being that crowded before but his first thought was that he would probably enjoy it. He tried to find Remus among all the dancing couples but he couldn't.

"I'm afraid Remus couldn't make it. He just got a new job offer yesterday and you know that he can't afford to turn anything down. Buuuuut. . . look who's here."

James pushed a young woman into Sirius' focus and gave his best friend a broad smile although Sirius didn't understand it at that moment. The girl was, to be honest, quite plain with slightly greasy, black hair hanging down on both sides of her face. For a second, she reminded him of Severus Snape and he had to fight back the laughter.

"Sirius, I want you to meet Rosie. She's a neighbour and _she's single_," James whispered the last part but only if Rosie was as deaf as she was ugly, there was a small chance she might have overheard it.

"Man, I can't imagine why," Sirius smiled at the poor girl but he couldn't help the ironical tone in his voice.

Then he pulled James aside.

"That's a joke, right?" he asked, still hoping that it truly was.

"What do you mean?"

"What I? Merlin's beard, James, have you looked at her? You can't be serious about setting me up with _that_?"

James sighed as Sirius gestured to the girl standing shyly next to the fireplace.

"The whole thing was Lily's idea. I was against it but she said there was a better chance you'd go with it if I introduced you," he explained, "But can't you do us this one little favor? Lily's been annoying the hell out of me because she says you should get a girlfriend. Please. Just be nice to Rosie _this one time_."

"Prongs. . . "

"I won't take No for an answer. If you ignore her or treat her badly, I'll never hear the end of it."

Sirius rolled his eyes at James.

"Fine. I won't leave her side, I'll force myself to laugh about her jokes, I might even dance with her once. But that's it. And I'll need a drink, so where do you keep the firewhiskey?"

"Kitchen," James replied and watched as the smile reappeared on Sirius' face as he approached Rosie and left the living room with her.

Sirius knew that Rosie would bore him to death even before she had begun talking, and she didn't even do that a lot. She declined when he offered her and drink and she also refused to dance because she was "wearing high heels the first time" and didn't want to ruin her feet. So they sat down on the couch, Sirius watching the dancing couples, resenting every moment of it, and Rosie telling him about her job as a dental technician.

About an hour had passed when Sirius suddenly saw _her_ dancing among the others. Her slender body was covered in a black silk dress, her long, curly, blonde hair peeking out under an almost authentic witch's hat. She was dancing passionately but her blue eyes were set on Sirius.

"Excuse me for a moment," Sirius said to Rosie without looking at her. He got up, swaying a little from the influence of the firewhiskey and the lack of motion.

He approached her but then suddenly a stranger bumped into him, apologizing, and when Sirius looked back to where he had seen her dancing, she was gone.

He finally found her in a dark corner of the living room. She had taken off her had and was now messing up her perfect yellow curls with her hand.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded angrily.

"Excuse me, have we met?" she asked in a high, teasing voice.

"Don't play games with me, Bella. You could transform into an old man and I would still recognize you. You've never been very subtle."

Sirius would never admit it before Bellatrix, but he knew her. When she had appeared in the shape of this beautiful muggle girl tonight, every single movement had given her away.

"So, answer me. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, "Just watching you and your date. Enjoying it?"

Every gesture, every word in Bella's voice coming out of that angelic looking person, seemed blasphemous to Sirius. She was defiling this muggle woman's body but as far as he could tell, she was feeling uncomfortable in it.

"I know that you're enjoying it, so at least it's a fun evening for one of us," he replied.

"Oh, stop whining, Sirius. That's not very attractive."

And with that she pulled him closer to her. Their lips connected and she burying her tongue deep into his mouth. She kissed him fiercely as always, as if she had never known another way to kiss. Sirius' hands were all over her back and he wanted to take her right there, in his best friend's living room. She was not really Bellatrix, was she? So he would not have to feel guilty about it. She was just a random, hot muggle woman. But at the same time Sirius knew that he could not pretend that it was not Bellatrix. . .

"James," Lily interrupted his conversation with several muggle guys and pulled him aside. "Where is Sirius? Rosie is sitting over there but I can't find him."

"Maybe he's in the kitchen, mugging my stock of booze. You gotta be honest, the setup wasn't your best idea." He pointed to the couch where Rosie was sitting like a wallflower. James was scanning the room for Sirius until he saw something that caught is attention.

"Looks like Padfoot is perfectly capable of finding a woman on his own. Wow, she's quite the catch," he commented.

"Poor Rosie. But of course she can't stand a chance if you invite someone like her," Lily said, pointing over to Sirius and his mysterious new girlfriend.

"I didn't invite her. I thought you did." James looked at his wife in bewilderment.

"I don't even know her," she replied.

Sirius spun around when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He was almost ready to haul out his wand when he saw that it was only James and Lily.

"Hey. . . guy. You kinda scared me," he said and wiped his lips in order to get rid of any lipstick that might make him seem ridiculous.

"So, who's your friend?" James wanted to know and nodded in Bellatrix' direction.

He didn't know what to say when luckily Bellatrix answered for him. Unfortunately it was not at all what he wanted her to say.

"I'm Bella."

Sirius shot her an angry look and then quickly turned back to James and Lily. "Isabella. Her name's Isabella," he added nervously.

"Sirius, you know I hate that name," she jokingly punched him and laughed. "Everyone calls me Bella. And you must be James and Lily. Sirius has told me so much about you."

_Merlin's beard. She's good at this_, Sirius thought.

"Really?" Lily smiled politely. "I'm afraid Sirius has never mentioned you to us."

"We haven't been seeing each other that long, to be honest. I wasn't even sure I could make it tonight. Sirius has told me on such short notice. But he was lucky I came. Otherwise he would have been stuck with this horrible muggle woman."

That was the point when Sirius realized he had to regain his speech to prevent Bellatrix from bitching about muggles and half bloods.

"So, you're a witch, too?" James was looking confused. "How come we haven't met at Hogwarts?"

"She's American!" Sirius almost shouted before Bellatrix could say another thing. "She went to a school in Alaska."

"I would never have guessed you were American. What's the name of your school?"

"Sirius?" Bellatrix looked at him, taking his hand into hers.

"What is it, _honey_?" He looked at her angrily. Sirius hated her even more now for this charade she's putting him through.

"It's awfully late. And you promised. . ."

Now he realized that Bellatrix wanted to get out if this as much as he wanted.

"Oh, right," Sirius said as Bellatrix dragged him away, "I'm sorry, James but we have to leave. It was a nice party. See you two around."

Once they were outside of the door and the music was only a dull throbbing in his ears, he let go of her.

"Well, that was fun," Bellatrix said, smiling.

"Don't be too cheerful cause I'm sure as hell thinking about the right way to punish you right now."

"Why don't we go back to your place and you can punish me there?"

"Bite me," Sirius spat and walked off into the dark on his own.


	9. Chapter 9

Voila! New chapter. I can't believe I just wrote the thing right now. It went down so quickly XD Anyways. . . I hope you like it and thanks for the reviews :)

**Part Two: Like Heroin**

_The dark is generous, and it is patient. _

_It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice, that drips contempt into compassion, that poisons love with grains of doubt. The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout._

_The rain will come, and the seeds will sprout, for the dark is the soil in which they grow, and it is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light._

_The dark's patience is infinite. Eventually, even stars burn out._

_(Mattew Stover; The Dark Lord Trilogy)_

**Chapter 9**

The time was passing slowly for Sirius these days. After what had happened on Halloween he had stopped seeing Bellatrix, thinking it would be for the best. To assume he could make Bellatrix turn her back on Voldemort was probably the most stupid idea Sirius had ever had. He didn't care if it was possible anymore, but he had to keep his friends out of it. Bringing a Death Eater close to the Order of the Phoenix was a danger.

Of course, that was not what Bella wanted. Sirius was sure she hadn't faltered in her determination to make him join Voldemort and that was why he couldn't see her again. He had no way of stopping her coming into his apartment, so he decided to vanish. For two three weeks he had now been living with Andromeda and her husband. And for two and a half weeks the boring happy-family-life had been pissing him off.

"Hey Sirius," Andromeda shouted from the kitchen, "an owl just arrived for you! It's from James and Lily!"

"I'll read it later!" Sirius called back. He was standing in front of the human-sized mirror in the guest bedroom, wearing only trousers and looking at a pale scar that was now barely visible on his chest. He remembered how it hurt when Bellatrix had just given it to him with her long, painted red nails. The scratch had been deep once but it would keep fading until in a year or so it would be gone entirely. Then and only then Bellatrix would be gone from his life as well.

The second he had stopped stroking the line on his chest, Andromeda entered the room without knocking.

"Also, breakfast is read- . . . wow, where did you get that one?" she asked, indicating to the scar.

"That, um. . . a fight," Sirius only half lied. "I'll be downstairs in a minute."

But his cousin wouldn't go away so easily. Instead she went across the room and started making his bed.

"You know, Sirius, you have to tell me eventually why you are really staying here because I don't believe that you just want a change of scenery. You wouldn't be hiding in this room all day if you did."

"It's nothing, Dromeda, really. I like spending time with you and your family. Everyone's so busy at the moment. James and Lily have their son, Remus has a new job, Peter is gone and everyone else is fighting Voldemort, so. . ."

"But this isn't you. I know you want to be out there fighting as well but you're not. Why's that?" she wanted to know.

"Because Dumbledore doesn't think we're good enough," Sirius said, his voice suddenly rather angry. "He keeps things from us, doesn't want us to be involved in the real Death Eater hunt and I'm bored out of my mind."

Sirius put his shirt on and without saying another word to his cousin, he went downstairs with Andromeda following him.

The owl she had talked about earlier had dropped James' letter on the kitchen table and Sirius opened it.

"_Dear Padfooot,_

_I have some good and bad news for you. Moony lost his job again yesterday and in addition to that, the little magical antique store he was working for threatens to sue him because they say he intentionally endangered the other employees and the customers. If his case goes on trial in the Ministry, they will all know what he is and who knows how many Death Eaters are walking around there. He could be in real trouble if his secret gets out. _

_Now the good news: Peter showed up on our door step last night. He's alive and kicking, though a little intimidated because Death Eaters have been following for a while. But he thinks they finally gave up and he's save. We're letting him crash here for a while. He has nowhere else to go. _

_We want to throw him a little welcome back party next weekend and I really hope you can come. I think this little get-together will also cheer Remus up. And Lily wants me to tell you to bring your gorgeous girlfriend. We would love to get to know her._

_See you on Friday!_

_Prongs."_

Andromeda, who had been reading the letter over Sirius' shoulder, startled him by saying: "Girlfriend? You never mentioned there was a girlfriend."

Sirius turned around and looked at his cousin. Seeing her, and how she resembled Bellatrix, he considered for a moment to tell her the truth – but decided against it.

"Because there isn't. Not anymore. And never really was, actually. It was. . . complicated. And a stupid idea and. . . There's no girlfriend," he spluttered.

"Cousin, I've known you our whole life. You've never gotten serious with even a single one of your many girls and frankly, I think it's time you do."

"Not with this one, trust me."

"We're living in dangerous times. It is so important to have someone around you, someone you can rely on. And this girl is obviously still on your mind. Go back to London. Talk to her," Andromeda said.

"I really, really don't want to be with her. I can't."

"See, there is a difference. You tell me you don't want to and that's a lie. I can see it. Saying you can't be with her – well, that's the excuse your mind has made up."

"You don't even know who she is," Sirius whispered, looking down.

"I don't care. She's making you hide in my guest bedroom like a fugitive and that's not healthy. And it most certainly isn't you."

That was true. For the past three weeks Sirius had completely forgotten about his pride. He had tucked his tail and went into hiding. Bellatrix probably knew where he was but she would never go near her sister, so Sirius could feel save. But Andromeda was right. That wasn't him. The real Sirius was a daredevil, he sought danger and that was exactly the reason why he had slept with Bellatrix. It was a thrill and he was once again the rebel without ever truly giving up his good guy image. That was just a little stained. Like it was supposed to be for a rebel.

Maybe it was time to go back to London and stand up to Bellatrix. End their affair the way it should be ended – with both of them going their way. If it was necessary he would remind her over and over again. But the hiding was now officially over.

"You are failing, Bellatrix!" the Dark Lord screamed at her. "You have promised me that Sirius would be one of us soon but I don't see him here. Tell me, where is he?"

Bellatrix was kneeling in front of Voldemort, her head bowed. She didn't dare looking at him.

"He's hiding at my sister's place. I need more time."

"And how much time do you think you've got? You are getting married in March and I don't think you'll have time to recruit anyone while you're tending to Lestrange's children and taking care of his house." The Dark Lord sneered. Bellatrix couldn't see it but she knew it from the sound of his voice. It was her punishment. He was making fun of her.

"Dolohov just came to tell me he has succeeded in turning around Peter Pettigrew. He's one of us now and he's staying at the Potters' place. We have a spy in their midst thanks to Dolohov. So what can _you_ offer me, Bellatrix?" Voldemort asked.

"I'm doing my best."

"Do better," he said and dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

Sirius turned on the lights as he entered his apartment and he realized immediately that it wasn't how he had left it. There was no pile of dirty dishes in the sink, the rubbish bin was empty and his bed was made. Someone had obviously taken care of everything in his absence.

Also there was the vague scent of perfume in the air, vanilla and patchouli, that told him Bellatrix had been in here not too long ago.

The question about when exactly she had been here was answered when her figure emerged from the bathroom. He couldn't exactly tell why but somehow she appeared to be smaller than before. The air of pride around her had vanished.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" he asked before he could stop himself from calling her "Bella" once again.

"I've been waiting for you, silly." Her voice was low, deep and most importantly, it was free from mockery. "After Halloween you were suddenly gone and I didn't know where. Was it because of what I did? Showing up at the party?"

"Of course it was because of that!" Sirius had to hold back his voice, otherwise he would be shouting at her. "What did you think? That I would introduce a Death Eater to my friends?"

"I'm sorry," Bellatrix said and she sounded sincere.

Sirius took a deep breath. It was easier to just leave her after the party when he had been furious at her. Now that she seemed to be repentant it was much, much harder. For the first time Bellatrix seemed almost fragile; she was human.

"We can't keep seeing each other, Bella. It's just not right." There. He said it.

Bellatrix looked at him for a moment, the she sat down on his bed, crinkling the sheets she had so carefully straightened earlier.

"Actually, I came here to apologize. For everything. I was for a moment truly sorry I even attempted to make you join the Dark Lord. But now. . ."

Now Sirius was curious.

"When you thought it was wrong, why did you keep coming here?" he asked.

"That doesn't matter anymore."

"It matters to me."

"What?" she said, suddenly appearing not so fragile anymore. Her voice had regained her usualy strength. "So you can use my reasons to boost your ego even more? No. I'm not gonna tell you."

Bellatrix got up again and started pacing the room.

"I'm not gonna give you that satisfaction. I had my fun with you, see. And you obviously had yours, too. We should end it and see the little thing we had this way. As fun. As an adventure."

"Wait," Sirius said, "Are you telling me you have _feelings_ for me?"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Sirius. Do think I'm the kind of woman who lets her heart rule her actions? I _wanted_ you but that has nothing to do with feelings. It's chemical. It's a carnal thing. I thought you knew how this works."

"But why me?" Sirius wanted to know. No, he needed to know.

"Because Rodolphus hates you. Because once we are married I won't have a say in my own life. That is why I turn to Voldemort because otherwise Rodolphus will have everything. And I don't want to give him all I am. And this thing, you and me, is my sanctuary. It is something I, and only I, decided to do. I need it for my sanity. I need it to know that there are things I can still decide for myself. It was the ultimate rebellious action. And I could just as well stand before you naked right now because I have just bared my soul to you. I've made myself vulnerable to you and knowing you, you will use it against me eventually."

Sirius was honestly lost for words. He didn't even want to say anything. To take this woman into his arms, to kiss her, make love to her – that was all he wanted right now.

He approached her and pressed a kiss on her lips but was pushed away instantly. Bellatrix held him at arm length and stared at him. She was the old Bellatrix now, he knew it from her look.

"Forget everything I told you. You got a glimpse of someone I am not. She's the weak one and she has disappeared again. You will never see her again."

Now Bellatrix pulled him closer and bit his lips. When Sirius tasted his own blood he knew he was damned. He was the rebel again. And his clean record was getting grayer with every step he took.


End file.
